Secrets Untold

my "sex journal"...secrets untold, now exposed at least in written form

Thursday, November 30, 2006

strolling down memory lane

...
this morning as i sat on my steps having my morning ciggie (and freezing by the way), for some reason this blog popped in my head and with it a bunch of my memories followed....

i had quite a journey through this blog...chatting with fellow bloggers and even meeting a few of them....

i thought of chicago hook-up and our make-out session that occurred and oral man...and how now i live probably within a 20 minute drive of him.

i thought of some of the phone calls and desires to meet a few people that fell through......

shy guy and lou and others.....

and "new guy"

what happened to them...what are they doing now....any new adventures of their own?

and now my life is so different from when i first started this thing......
but a few entries from an old friend's blog reminded me the stir is still inside me.....

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

is this thing on?

...
so today for some strange reason i found myself looking at blogs which i haven't done in gosh 6 months or so and then i remembered i used to have one of those things and i decided to try and find my way back on and after a few attempts of wrong user names and passwords, i got back on.....
and it feels strange to be here yet somewhat familiar........
and i know my audience is probably way long gone but i didn't start this for them in the first place so once again it can be my secret place....

some things have changed for this girl.

i have moved in with my boyfriend.....and am now living in the northern part of il ...chicago to be exact and have started a new job which i so far hate but hopefully will grow into and life is grown up and changing now.

its strange but wonderful to be in the same house as him and after we just had a small romp in the office, i can say things are still working in that department too......

i have storries and now a place i can come back to and share them......

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

why is it so difficult

...
to keep this thing updated?
i remember when i used to write in here almost every single day
now almost a month goes by between each post.....
so instead of saying "oh my life is different now, i'm boring now"
whatever.....
i'll just post.

first off..... if mister 5.25 still checks back here
yes i remember you
and if you'd like to chat......
i'm still on yahoo under my phone_loving_rae76
id
so you can hit me up there if you like.

....
and i have to give a shout out to mister "new guy" who had a birthday a while back ....
happy happy love!

so how am i?

things are going pretty well....
i'm still with my man (i know amazing isn't it?)
and talk now is of me getting out of here by the end of the year and (drum roll please) moving to chicago!!!
and yes the plan is to be moving in with him....

it has not been an easy journey at all....
long-distance can be really difficult and it's been what 4 weeks since i've seen him now, but it's been so good to take things slow and to not be so worried about the outcome, and everytime we are together it just fits and everything falls back into place.

is he the one for me?
i dunno, but i know i can see myself with him.
no there are no rings and wedding bells yet, but when i think of a man that can handle me....he fits the mold.

i was watching sex and the city last night and they were talking about two types of females...the simple ones and the complex ones
and i am definitely of the complex variety

and i know being in a relationship with me is anything but simple, but i'm sure there are some benefits in there somewhere as well...
i mean, i CAN deepthroat
that's good right? :-)

and onto the sex part

my toy collection grows more and more and my inhibitions fall less and less and he makes me feel confident in myself in my body and in my sexual conquests....

it's amazing being comfortable with myself sexually and to be with someone that not only appreciates it but encourages it....

i mean who would have thought i would one day find myself on the edge of the bathtub straddling my suction-based dildo, riding it up and down while my boyfriend jerked off....

.....

Monday, March 13, 2006

so as i was saying

...
a few days ago i bumped into an online friend of mine and we exchanged hellos and pleasantries and i spoke on how my blog has pretty much been abandoned. i still write, but not on here.... and not about my sexual adventures but of my everyday life and feel that "phone_loving_rae" is gradually well, not disappearing, but not being so evident as she used to be.

she was a big part of my life...this blog was a big part of my life and exploring my sexual adventures. i was unattached and beyond that, letting myself dive into my desires. i really have no regrets of the men i've met and the things i've experienced but my life is in a different direction now.

i have an AMAZING boyfriend that i love and my goals now involve finishing school and moving in with him....not looking for phone sex or a quick lay.

am i getting old? maybe
is rae settling down?
looks like it
but is my sex drive gone?
no and oh hell no.....

in fact, for whoever cares, we just had sex :-)
and it was amazing
he's amazing

and i'm loved

Monday, February 13, 2006

can you throw that in the wash for me?

...
i'm up at my guy's place
he's at class right now and here i sit with the 2 dogs and the new pup...
i drove up today just for the night and my little boquet of valentine balloons and candy sits on the desk and makes me smile...
tonight as we were standing in the kitchen he hugged me and said
"well seeing you for a bit is better than not seeing you at all, and i get to see that smiling face of yours."

and as he hugged me i couldn't help but wonder if this is the guy....
it's such a strange place to be in
i haven't been here in such a long time
scuba steve and i never materialized
i think i knew that from the beginning but it didn't matter
and before him?
one really bad relationship and some flings....

but to be in a spot where i can picture my life with this man
i think "who me?"
phone loving rae???

but then as his hands trailed down my body and inbetween my legs i flashed back to an hour before

me on his bed naked and he between my legs, holding them spread wide as he pounded my puss with first 2 fingers then 3 then 4 and then my favorite dildo
the more i moved and moaned and groaned, the harder he got
and this time when i squirted, it was all over his shirt and some on his face and mine
and i could literally see just how much he turns me on

he got on his back and i straddled him and wrapped my mouth tight around his shaft as his hands reached out to trace the lace around my bra
when he was nice and hard, his cock slipped from my lips and i got on my knees next to him, put one foot flat on the bed and started fucking my pussy with my fingers.
his hand immediately went to his shaft and he stared at my puss watching my fingers get more and more wet and then i strattled his leg and continued fucking my pussy, the juice running down my fingers and onto his leg ....
as i got close, i burried my face into his neck and moaned in his ear as i came and came hard......
fingers soaked with juice i crawled back down to his cock, wrapped my fingers around his shaft and started stroking him hard and fast
the other hand slipped my bra off and i started smacking the head of his cock on my nipples.....
we locked eyes as i started sliding it between my titties and within a few seconds his cum was spurting out all over them
eyes locked on eyes

and back to about 15 minutes ago, i picked up the soaked shirt that was still on the floor and threw it in the wash and think "maybe this guy really is the one"

Friday, February 10, 2006

temporary love

...
i used to walk around as though the love i found would be but a fleeting moment. my heart and mind would become filled with all these doubts and i'd find myself trying to protect it so much that i couldn't even enjoy it. i was so afraid to lose it that i would never hold it, never breathe it in, never embrace it...
the desire to stay safe and happy became my obsession and love itself was not pleasurable but full of fear and resentment.

and then not too far back in the past, a tiny 1 lb. baby was born and i watched him struggle and eventually lose his fight to live and my heart was full of such love for him that even when i knew he was going to be gone from me, even when i knew it would be love for a moment, the love was anything but temporary and i plunged myself into every moment and every feeling even knowing the horrific broken heart that was waiting for me...

and when i sit in my pile of photographs and memories and the emotions of loss become so overwhelming i can smile in the fact that i was swallowed up in love and lived through it...

and now a year after he's passed, i still have moments where i'm tempted to protect, tempted to hide and then i look at his photo on my desk and remember to live in presense and in the present... live in the moment. love in the moment....

loss is inevitable
pain is inevitable
will ed break my heart
will our love be a temporary one?

i do not know...
but until that moment happens
i will not live as though it is temporary
but i will embrace it
live in it
and love it

Monday, February 06, 2006

accent found

i'm up in the northern part of il seeing my guy and it's funny how quickly my accent comes back. now when i return back to my apartment tomorrow, i know all my friends will tease me when they hear that accent again. i like being up here. reminds me of home........

things are going well with the new beau
and it's amazing how different the relationship is then when i dated scuba steve....
ed puts effort into it and i feel like i'm in a real adult relationship and not one where i carry all the weight...
and i have a TON of sexual stories i'm just not sure how to fit them all in...

but one small tidbit?

he bought me a lovely 8" dildo that is nice and thick and i love it
and the other night he brought out a big mirror and had me hold it so i could see him pound my puss nice and hard. i had never seen what my puss looks like being pounded before and it was an INCREDIBLE experience....
i could see my puss open up and stretch and clamp down and i could see the wetness building and dripping and as he went harder and harder, i could see my titties bounce in the mirror as well. and when i finally came....i came so hard that i squirted all over the mirror and some even hit my face and then i panted and shook until i finally came back down to earth. it was quite amazing.....