you might just realize...

...
listening to a song by Jack Johnson and he sings
"you might just realize what your missing.....your missing me....."

i'm writing this entry real time.......writing it as the moment unfolds.....writing it play by play.

the batteries are fresh in their packet. sitting there waiting to be used, but little do they know for what purpose they will be used shortly.....

i am now dragging my laptop into my bedroom and closing the door
the room is semi-dark... just the vanity light on.
hum of the fan going.......a light breeze towards my bed.

sweatshirt remains on but pants and panties have been pulled off
crawling in bed now
under cover

laptop resting ontop of my knees

thinking about.......
a fantasy

a soft knock on the door
is he nervous? is he regretting the drive here?
what was he thinking the entire way?
was he hard?
nervous?
thinking about this moment?
wanting to turn around?

the door opens and he's standing there looking down at the ground
our eyes meet
he's glowing in the moonlight
and i feel my heart leap out of my chest

"hi"
he smiles

"hi"
the shy smile returned

there is an urgency there, i can feel it, but i want the moment to unfold on it's own......i want to remember every last detail. how he smells, how he looked when he first walked in my door, the way he smiled when he said hello.....

i hold the door open and he walks in passing by me, our bodies grazing......
i try and catch my breath

the door is closed behind him
locked
and he stands there for a moment unsure of what to do
i am unsure also

"let me take your coat" i say
he opens his arms to start to take it off and i jump at the opportunity
and move in and slide my arms under his coat around him

i let out a long sigh in his ear

"hmmm that's much better" he says
i say nothing but pull him closer and take a breath of him in

the ache in my stomach grows

back to the present.....
when i fantasize about things while i'm masturabting, i try and be as detailed as possible.... all of that helps me. when i fantasize i do it this way. play by play.....teasing myself in the beginning, following along with what i'm thinking about and then i start increasing the play as the fantasy increased in my mind.

i now have my silver bullet resting on my clit on low....

the fantasy continues

our embrace breaks and i feel relieved
relaxed
he sits on my couch and we begin small talk
we talk about how this has enfolded
how we have enfolded
and how neither of us can believe we are actually here
in this moment
letting this happen

all of the build-up and conversations
now at this moment

he's talking about some random thing and catches me looking at him
"what?" he says

"i -" i start stammering
"i - i - was just looking at your mouth and wondered what your lips taste l i k e....."

i don't even get the word out of my mouth before he leans in and i feel his warm lips so close to mine. not touching, just out of reach and i feel his warm breath.
my eyes close and as much as i want to lean in and taste him, i wait.......
he moves his lips from side to side and all over my mouth but never touching it
and then i feel his wet tongue slip out from his lips and i feel it tracing mine
"god" i mumble
he keeps tracing all around them with the tip of his tongue, not saying a word
his tongue slips back in his mouth, his lips open and i feel them pull my lower lip in deep and full
i fall back into the couch and he follows me and the kiss begins
my hands go to the back of his head and i can't get enough
open lips sucking and biting
and then i feel his tongue reach towards mine and they meet and swirl around
and i sigh

he continues kissing me
my hands under his shirt now, gliding down his back
the kiss so passionate yet gentle
like he's making love to my mouth

no words are spoken
the kiss breaks
he gets up off the couch and i follow
i take his hand and walk into my bedroom
close the door and lay on the bed
he follows
the kiss continues this time with the removing of clothing

i can't wait to feel his skin on me
i want to feel it
i need to feel it

reality check
now putting bullet on medium
clit is getting nice and hard and swollen
and the wetness has definitely formed

back to the fantasy
my top is pulled up over my head and my bra strap is pulled down
i close my eyes
and feel his lips on my nipple
circling around it
teasing me
flicking his tongue accross it
sucking it up in his lips and rubbing his teeth accross

he falls between my legs and starts grinding between them
slowly teasing me
my pants are pulled down, panties remaining on
his pants are then pulled down
boxers remaining on
and i hear him say

"oh my god, i can feel how wet you are through your panties"
"i know, look what you are doing to me......"

his mouth goes to work on the other nipple and my hand slides between his legs and i squeeze him over his boxers
hard
thick
wanting

i get lost in what's happening and don't even realize my panties have been removed along with his boxers and his cock is sliding over my slit

......
reality
my small vibe is now being turned on and i'm sliding it in my pussy clenching down around it holding it there while the bullet is buzzing on my clit faster now, up to it's limit and my fingers are shaking, difficult to type
but i'll continue

laptop is now on the bed laying next to me and i'm turning on my side to type

......

fantasy
i grab his cock with my hand and hold it on my clit and start rubbing it in circles
no words are said but his eyes are locked on mine
i bite my lower lip and continue grinding his cock on my clit
over and over and over
i feel the first wave come over me and i let go of his cock as i start cumming
and without hesitating he slides his cock down to my aching dripping pussy and drops his weight down and slides deep in me
my orgasm clenching down on his cock attempting to stroke it off
his eyes remain locked on mine as i try and catch my breath and ride it out
he's fucking me now
nice and slow but deep
as deep as my pussy will take him
filling me
stretching me

inside me
finally

my hands fall to his hips and i start rocking in unison
i know it won't take long
pussy so wet i can feel it dripping out of me
running down my legs
he's covered in me
and i want to be covered with him
inside
deep inside

he looks at me and knows what i want
he's always known


....
reality

i'm really close to cumming now and as soon as i finish the climax in the post i will follow suit in reality

...fantasy
i feel his cock get thicker and start pulsing and my back arches as my orgasm clenches down on his cock once more and he starts filling me
deep
deep
deeper with his cum
spurt after spurt all inside me
mixing his cum with mine

he holds it there inside me
and collapses onto my chest
i look at him and smile

he kisses me
so gentle
an embrace of the lips

"nice to meet you" i say
"likewise" he says "likewise"
..........

the countdown

...
it has now been 8 days since steve and i have had sex.

i have worn the batteries completely down in my toy and will have to go purchase more batteries before it will be able to function properly once again.

i have no idea when i'll see him again. i've decided to not call him today since he's the one who canceled on me last night with a pretty lame excuse and without letting me know until late in the evening. i doubt he'll call me tonight and i work the rest of the weekend as well so we'll see what happens.

but i'm almost guaranteed to go up to night number 9 with no sex by the time i sit down and write another post tomorrow morning.

this plan sucks

who's lame idea was this anyways?

.....
i think one of the men i work with his hitting on me, or attempting to or something..... he's married but he's dropped more than one hint that he's not geting "enough" and he's been teasing and joking with me like a little kid who has a crush on a girl he doesn't want to admit.

when we were clocking out this morning, he pushed me out of the way so he could clock out first and i felt like i was back in high school.

i could totally be way off base and he told me he was going to be quitting soon anyhow....... but my "flirting alarm" definitely went off last night on more than one occassion.

speaking in code

...
i must admit after the conversation i sat there and wondered.....

"if he wasn't, and i wasn't.....would we...?"
"would he look at me differently or not at all?"
"but we are too similar...."
"we are too different...."
"and he is....."
"and i am......"
"so it doesn't matter....."
"but i wonder......."
"would we?"

the experiment

...
i know it was a bad idea, but i couldn't help it. i kept feeling that i was always the one initiating sex and it was forming some mind game within me that he didn't really want me or that he was just following along or i wasn't worth making the effort and on and on it went so i decided to stop making advances.

i decided to stop being the one to initiate and see how long it would take him to make the advances...."lou" told me it was probably not the best idea and together we came up with a few reasons why steve may be leaving it up to me to make the moves, the main one being his past relationship.

his ex-wife turned him down on a pretty regular basis and that was one of the reasons they ended up breaking up........so the idea was proposed that maybe he got so used to being shot down that he is "afraid" to speak up anymore.

that theory worked on me for a week or so but then the curiosity got the better of me so now the experiment is in full swing.

steve and i have not had sex since my last post about it and although i feel like i'm playing games a bit and this may totally backfire on me, part of me just needs to know if he really wants this or is just playing me. call it a backflash of really bad past relationships.

i'm not sure how long i'll last....i guess it all depends on him. but so far our "date" for tonight was canceled because he was not feeling well and now i'm sitting here lost in thought about all this and just trying to put it all into perspective

lost and found

...
first off, i just spent 30 minutes trying to get onto blogger.....
i keep getting re-directed, telling me my cookies are disabeled or some such nonsense and usually after i clear my cache and cookies and history, i can sign back on with no problems......
but this morning i had to do all of those things then disconnect and then shut down and restart 3 times before finally being able to get on blogger.

so onto the blogging

at 6am this morning my phone rang
i woke up out of a dead sleep thinking it may be steve calling
and then soon realized it was not him, but rather an old fuck buddy who called to let me know he was in town for business and wondered if i'd be interested in hooking up.

i must admit i was quite tempted with the offer but told him i was in a relationship now and would be unable to participate in any extra curricular activities with him.

he attempted a few more times and then the phone call ended with him calling me the next time he was back in town to see if i was a single gal once again.

we said our goodbyes, i hung up the phone and rolled over to go back to sleep.....
but alas, my mind was opened with the wandering thoughts of sex and although i was able to deny him, i was not able to deny the stirring that was occurring between my legs......

i lazily got out of bed, tripping on the pillow on my floor and opened the drawer and started grasping for my toy.....

i found it, crawled back in bed and pulled down my pjs and panties and closed my eyes and started to imagine.

i started off thinking about steve and started scrolling down my list in my head, my list of men i fantasize about...it's not a HUGE list but yes i do have one.

then i started imagining/fantasizing what it would have been like if i would have met him.....if i would have told him where i lived and heard his knock on my door.

i tried recalling his smell, his taste, the way he touched me.......all while my toy started spreading my pussy lips apart and sliding inside me.

my feet planted on the bed and my knees fell open and my eyes remained closed as i pictured this struggle of opening the door to him and finally giving in to his advances.

the fantasy in my mind continued and i layed there trying to embrace my ograsm...

i felt myself get close and then right when i was about to reach the peak, i lost the grip on my toy and it slipped off the golden spot and just like that, the peak left me.....

i tried to get it back, more and more desperate......purging into deeper fantasies, moving positions, putting the pillow over my face to distract the light from the bathroom........i tried and tried and tried minute passing after minute and finally gave in, completely defeated.... after 45 minutes of trying.

i turned off my toy, slid it ouf of me, layed it on the bed next to me, rolled over, and went to sleep with a long sigh........


update:
it is now 9:30am and i was finally able to get off (4 times thank you) with a little help from "lou"

rollercoaster rae

...
this past week and even the last couple days have been so up and down for me.....
it's been difficult to process everything

but first some business:

"new guy" has been in the hospital
and i wrote a little post about it when i first found out but for some reason it didn't post through and became lost.........
he's supposed to be released by now but i was able to talk to him on the phone a few times while he was in the hospital to try and cheer his spirits up.........
so my thoughts are definitely with him.

and onto the roller ride

yesterday morning after work i hopped online and started chatting with a friend of mine which ended not so chipper so i closed off and crawled into bed.

steve called me soon after and asked me if i could come over.

things have been a bit rocky with him since the whole "i love you" incident
because instead of some romantic moment following his words....
all i did was lay there speechless.

then came a conversation of how i felt about him
and where we were going
and the conversation went so fast and time went so slow all in unison
and before i knew it 4 days had passed with no words exchanged between us.

and after the chatting conversation with that friend, i just crawled in bed and held my pillow and then he called

i showed up at his place in my pajamas
slippers and all
and he gave me a hug that made me almost fall apart

we sat on his couch and i was quiet for a while and then we started talking
we talked about our past relationships
i told him all about my son
and pretty soon i found myself telling him things i had left locked in for a very long time

and the whole time he just sat there with his hand on my knee
and as i separated myself out from what i was saying, i could see myself looking at us in a future tense and for the first time i decided to just let go

i didn't say the words but things were settled between us and now i'm in a place where those words don't seem so foreign or impossible to feel.

after some snuggling and kisses, he made us hot chocolate and we watched a movie.....

i fell asleep at the very end and we decided to take a nap since we both had to work last night......

i crawled in his bed and he turned off the tv and checked his email and then crawled in next to me......

i fell asleep fast and a few hours later i woke up and looked at him sleeping there peacefully
and i smiled

rules

....
one morning on my way home from work, i was listening to a local radio station and they were listing the top worst moments to say "i love you" for the first time.....or moments you shouldn't say it something like that but the number one was while having sex.

i laughed at the rule and tried scrolling back in my memory to see if i have indeed ever done that. thank goodness, i passed the rule.....

last night i went over to "ss" (scuba steve)'s place and made him dinner. i told him i'd make him whatever he wanted and he responded with mac and cheese and hotdogs......
oh well, easy for me...

we had our traditional hug at the door and he sat on the couch to watch back to the future part 2 while i was in the kitchen making dinner.

i got there around 7:30 and we were eating by around 8:15 or so....

after dinner he got up to take his shower to get ready for work and i started cleaning up and packing his lunch not forgetting to put a little note in before closing it up.

after his shower, he got ready and i curled up on the couch and he plopped down by me at 9pm. we both work at 10 at different places but if i am over there i just drop him off cuz he lives so close to work he can walk there and back. so our normal routine is to leave there by 930

i had my head on his shoulder and his hand was on my leg and i looked at him once and smiled and he just looked at me
"what?" i said
"oh nothing"
he smiled

i leaned in and kissed him
little pecks on his lips and a few on his cheeks and neck

the next kiss was a bit softer and i felt his lips part as they sucked my lower lip in

"mmmmmm" i moaned softly

i love it when he does that. his kisses are soft and wet but not too wet.... perfect

his mouth opened wider and i felt his tongue slip out into mine and his tongue went in deep almost like he was trying to fuck my mouth with it.....

my body started to tremble and at that moment i knew i needed him inside me.
but i never said a word

instead i started stroking his cock over his scrubs (he works at a hospital) and at first touch i felt how hard and thick he was already.

he unded the drawstring and my hand felt his warm cock and his moans soon followed

my gut was screaming "pleaseeeeee"

he got up off the couch, went into his room and i sat on the couch looking at him

he didn't say a word but moved his head motioning me to come into the room

we stood there in the dark kissing and he pulled my pants down and i felt him press into me....

he took off his clothes and the rest of mine and i laid on the bed and he crawled on top of me.....
he started teasing me first, all over my slit and clit but not in me......
i started begging
"pleaseeeeee"

he kissed me
"shhhhhhhh"

i relaxed and enjoyed the teasing, feeling his thick cock separating my lips, getting wet with my already dripping pussy......

he grabbed his cock with his hand and put it right on my tight little pussy hole and then let go and looked me in the eyes as his weight dropped down and he started sliding inside me

"ughhh" i said
he stretched me as he slid further inside me and then held it there, rocking back and forth, exploring the depths of my pussy

i liften my legs up and started driving in me harder and harder and my moans got louder and louder

"shhhhh" he said again while he kissed me

i closed my eyes and started relaxing my body letting him further in and then i opened my eyes and looked at him

"god that feels so fucking good" i said
he smiled

"u are so tight and wet babe"
i giggled

"it's been a while" i said

"mmmhmmm"

he started going harder and my legs dropped back down to the bed as i felt the first orgasm come over me
my back arched and he slipped out as i came and came hard

a tear rolled down my eye....the orgasm was so intense, almost painful

i couldn't even speak
i just let out this loud groan and then collapsed back to the bed

he slid his cock back in me and another orgasm came fast and hard but this time he stayed in me as my pussy clenched tight around his cock

"oh shit" he grunted and pulled his cock out and took off the condom and came all over my naked body........

spurt after spurt of hot cum shot all over me
on my tits my neck and some on my face and in my hair

"oh i'm sorry....you have to work and i just got cum in your hair"

"it's ok" i giggled "i'll have a reminder with me all night"

he held his body over me, his cum still on me and looked at me and smiled

"what?" i said

"i love you"

when in rome

...
ok that title really has nothing to do with this post at all but i have a song on right now that is called "when in rome" so it felt like an appropriate title.

i pulled into town last night with a car loaded down with 4 baskets of laundry, a suitcase, my overnight bag, apples, and presents for my friends.....

i came home to a lovely note from my landlord reminding me what a prick he is and then proceeded to unload my car when scuba steve called me

"where are u?"
"just pulled into town, unpacking my car....do you want me to stop by after i'm......"
"now? please?"
"ok ok let me just get this one load in"
"good....bring sugar"
"sugar?"
"yeah, i'm out....i need some for coffee"
"oh i see how u are. using me for my baking goods"
"oh shut up and get over here"

i pulled into the parking lot and saw him standing on his deck waiting for me

"what's up with the new glasses?" he said
"what, u don't like them?"
"hmmmm i think so, let me see them closer"

i walked up the back steps and got right up to his face
he kissed me

"yeah, i like them....they are cute"

he wrapped his arms around me and sighed
"mmm i missed you"

"me too "
i kisses his neck

we went inside and i showed him my pictures and told him all about my trip and gave him a few things i bought for him up there and then we snuggled up on the couch.

at that moment i was ready to pounce on him but as fate would have it, i'm actually dating a man with a lower sex drive than me.......
i have a superbly high sex drive. i mean literally i can have sex and want it again right away and then again and again. if i had it my way, i'd have sex every day more more than once a day if i could.
but my boyfriend is actually ok with going a week or longer before having sex and i'm pretty much the instigator in this relationship.
which is fine.....
most of the time

the kissing started innocently enough but pretty soon his hand was inbetween my legs pushing through my jeans and my orgasms came hard and fast....breathing deeply in his ear, moaning, trying to be quiet.....
my moans turn him on and i could see his cock trying to push through his boxers, wanting attention.

i pulled them off him and slid his cock in my mouth......now i'm not going to go into the size of him but deep throating him is possible but i have to make sure i relax my throat and breathe...and i'm pretty good at deep throating if that gives you any idea.

"oh my godddddd" he moaned
"damn i missed this" he continued

i started carressing his balls as my mouth went up and down his cock, being sure to use my tongue as i did so, swirling it on the underside, swirling it around the head....

his eyes were closed and his hands were gliding through my hair and down my back......i love it when he does that. he's the only guy i've been with that has paid attention to me physically while giving him a bj..... (another reason i like him)

i must admit i wanted him inside me but i knew to let go now would be cruel to him because he was enjoying it so much, and afterall i did have 3 orgasms already.

"make me cum baby please........."
he said it loud, desperate, begging me to get him to cum with my mouth......
begging me to swallow him.

now i don't swallow him often, have only done it once before cuz well it tastes gross but since it had been so long, i thought i'd give him an extra treat

i kept going, more consistent now and then added my hand with my mouth
"oh shit yes baby dont' stop"

a bit faster and tighter and soon i heard

"ok baby i'm right there you can stroke me off now, grab the towel"

i didn't stop but rather kept going and when he realized what i was doing
i felt him arch his back and he mumbled "oh shit" as he started cumming in my mouth.

it was obvious he had not come in quite a while as he kept spurting more and more cum into my mouth.
i did my best swallowing it all down but some escaped down my chin and lips so i licked it off and then collapsed onto his chest

"damn baby, i sure the fuck missed that"

i laughed and said "i missed you too baby"

masturbation 101

...
vacation was great and as it usually goes, i had that "ugh" feeling when i packed up my car today and made the 5 hour drive back to my parent's place...
i'll be here for the evening and then make my way back another 3 hours to my lovely apartment and life.
vacation consisted of shopping, sleeping, driving, eating, a very frustrating puzzel, and renewing a love affair with david sedaris. i read two of his books while i was up there which now puts my total up to 4 of his books.

other than that, the week was great except for the fact i was pretty much around my parents 24/7 and had no good "alone time"

i decided to not bring any toys along since i knew the acoustics were not so good so decided i'd go "cold turkey" for the week...

scuba steve and i were not able to curb my appetite beforehand since my day consisted of an oil change and alignment that took way too long, breakfast with friends, and packing....

i figured i could handle a week though but around day 4 i was squirming in my seat.
i was sitting there watching baseball with my parents, so horny that i felt i could get off right there from crossing my legs.

that night i crawled into bed and tried to sleep it off but the feeling was so overwhelming that i was practically shaking in bed. i knew what i needed to do but was unsure how.
i really can't get myself off by fingering.....i need clit stimulation but have only succeeded on getting myself off that way with my fingers a few times so i reached back to the glory days.

when i first started masturbating, i used to ball up a towel or pillow and grind over it...that's how i had my very first orgasm.

so i reached over and grabbed a towel off the dresser rolled it up in a ball and slid off my pj bottoms but kept my panties on. i started off thinking about scuba steve as i felt it push up against my clit and when i felt myself get close, i heard a noise and lost my edge and had a difficult time getting it back.

i decided to give up, threw the towel down and then that feeling came back. that ache....
so i grabbed the towel again, rolled back onto it and tried thinking of steve again but this time was unable to keep the thought focused....

so i flipped through fantasy after fantasy and guy after guy until i landed on "lou"
i started thinking about some of the fantasies he and i have exchanged and imagined him sliding in me and before i knew it the feeling was so overwhelming that i had to burry my face in the pillow so i wouldn't make any noise. the orgasm was amazing......3 of them, right in a row.....i was shaking so bad after that my parents probably thought i was having a seizure

but i got off .....so at that moment i didn't care.
and thank goodness they never mentioned anything.....

and that got me through the rest of vacation
but now i'm ready for the real thing

bad

back to reality

...i've been working a ton.
the position above me has been vacated, so until it is filled, i'm the boss man and because of that, i have been working and working and deailing with a small crew and extra trucks and employees that like to push buttons.

one of them pushed a big button with me last night and i almost lost it.
usually i'm not a very angy person...

i take things as they come and try and not let things get to me but every now and then i just hit my limit and i feel like exploding.

at about 6am this morning i was tr ying to wrap up the truck and there was a huge mess and we were short staffed and i knew they would not be happy with how much stock was left and the list continued as the time raced away......

i made an executive decision as the head hancho and this particular employee agreed with my decision and helped me carry it through. after we completed the task, he proceeded to tell me how i was going to get in trouble for doing that and that he woudl have done it this way or that way and on and on he went

i looked at him and said "stop talking to me" and went on to finish something else.....

i felt like either hitting him or yelling at him and i knew neither of those were an option i could follow through with so i turned and walked away.

a few moments later he came up to me and said

"oh well i would have done the same thing as you anyways"

and i felt my ears get red..........

i went out onto the floor to wrap up and he walked up to me and asked what i was so mad about......
i proceeded to tell him how i do not appreciate him disrespecting me and how he never pulled this shit with our other boss and how i am not sure if he's just setting me up to fail or what but he needs to let me do my job and me worry about if i'll get in trouble or not. it's really none of his business.

he stomped off and mumbled something about keeping his mouth shut and then started writing a note and asked audibly when the manager would be in........

i should state here that he and i were both up for the position i am now in and he's been working with the company for over 3 years but i was the one they chose........so i know that is a factor in all this.

at 630 i told the team they were free to go and thanks for your help and he was the first out the door.

later i talked to my old boss who has switched to day hours and he proceeded to tell me how this guy does things like this all the time and just likes to cause trouble, so it made me feel a bit better even though i still feel bad for blowing up at him.......

but now it's almost 8am and i'm trying to distress and im' even more ready for my vacation starting thursday.......

a conversation

i pulled my legs up on the couch and sat with them crossed under me and put my plate on my lap. i took off a pepparoni from my slice of pizza and started blowing on it. steam escaped from the cheese that was lifted off in return.

the phone rang and he picked it up

"hello?"

i put the piece of pepparoni in my mouth. hot but not too hot.

"oh nothing much, my girlfriend just got here and we are eating pizza and watching movies."

"i swallow the peparroni"

"his what?" i thought....nothing came from my lips

he continued
"yeah we are going to hang out since she is leaving for vacation soon......"

he came into the room and smiled at me as he placed his hand on my face and said

"yeah i'm gonna miss her"

he walked into the other room

"his WHAT?" i thought again........
and my brain started racing
and the conversation inside my head went like this

"his girlfriend? when did i become his girlfriend? isn't there supposed to be some sort of conversation about this? i haven't been in a relationship in so long.....how do i do this? do i remember how to do this?"

the pizza sat on my plate, getting cold.....he still in the other room talking....

my conversation continued
"who is he even talking to? i haven't said anything about having a boyfriend. should i? am i attached now? i guess i've been hanging out here a lot and well yeah we are dating and hmmmm sleeping together and well yeah i guess you could say he's my boyfriend but i never really thought about it until now ....am i really his g i r l f r i........."

"baby?"

i snapped back into reality

"yeah hey what's up who was that?"

"oh it was my mom......why aren't u eating ur pizza?"

"his mom?????" i thought in a gasp

"are u ok? did i say something to upset you?"

"no no your fine i'm sorry i was just spacing out a minute"
i took a bite of pizza

"hey.........." he sat next to me and kissed my cheek.

"yes?" i looked up at him........

"are you ok with what i said? with what i called you?"

"yeah" i smiled "i guess i have a boyfriend now"

"nice isn't it?"

"yes i believe it is"