past meet present meet confusion

at around 11pm last night, i was dead asleep in my bed...
wrapped neatly and tightly in a collection of blankets
i was woken by the buzzing buzzing vibration of my phone

i squinted my eyes a few times and held the phone up to my face
"hd"
i figured it was a booty call and since i was in no mindset for that, i thought of turning over and going back to sleep but something inside me made me hesitate and i picked up the phone and answered.

all i heard was static at first and then
"rach rach, are you there?"
"hey yeah what's up? what's with all the static?"
"oh i'm outside....do you have a gas can?"
"ummm no. what's going on?"
"well i'm out here with the boys...for hockey practice and now my car won't start and i don't know if it's no gas or if its the battery or what..."
"rach can you..."
"i'll be right there"

i jumped out of bed, through on a bra and extra sweatshirt, grabbed my keys and phone and headed out the door.
as i pulled down the dark street leading up to the park, i saw them....
"hd" in the middle and his two boys on each side of him.
and with the combination of the dark street and the snow, they looked like they belonged in a movie...

i stopped in the street and opened my doors and they all crawled in

"oooooo it's so warm!" one of the boys said, and his hands were instantly in the waves of the heat.

"hd" sat in the front seat and grabbed my arm
"thank you for this"

i drove them to a gas station and the oldest boy stayed in the car with me as the details were taken care of with "hd" and the other

and there i sat, talking with him like it was old times....
even though i hadn't seen the boys since the big split over a year ago now
we talked about the changes in his life, the problems with school, his issues with his father and why i no longer was in contact with them...

the whole ordeal was over in about 1 hour
gas tank, that heat stuff, and some gas...

and soon the boys were back in their dad's car and on their way safe and sound...

and just as they were about to pull away "hd" rolled down the window and said "hey, add the little punk back on your messenger list would you? i know he'd love to talk to you...."
and with that a huge smile went on his oldest son's face and the moment was completely peaceful.

after i was back home and back in my car i got one more buzz
"thank you so much for this...i know no matter what our future is, i'll always have one true friend"

and with that the horrible past and confusion we had and all the lies and emotion slipped away and i felt like we were back at square one.

is it possible to be friends with my first broken heart

i guess we'll find out

down to business

i started getting ready for work last night at around 8:45pm
i like to leave my place by 9:30 9:40 at the latest, to give me enough time to get to work and get settled before clocking in

as i started getting ready i realized i hadn't gotten myself off in a few days and thought it would be a good time to "pop one off" real quick since i was basically ready to go by 9pm

i pulled off my pants and crawled in bed and grabbed my toy and went to work

i rubbed it on my clit, teased myself on my slit and then slowly slid my toy deep in

my usual routine

it felt amazing but for some reason i couldn't get myself "there"

i closed my eyes and started focusing on different fantasies and the last time i was fucked good and tried to grasp onto anything to get me there

names started scrolling down my list

oral man
lou
scuba steve
hd
j

jumping from scene to scene and image to image and still nothing

i looked at my clock

9:30

"i'll leave in ten minutes" i thought
plenty of time

so i started scrolling down more of my list

ll
new guy
mt
sj

and i looked at my watch again
9:40

"ok ok 5 more minutes"
and i closed my eyes and started going harder and faster
concentrating on getting myself over

9:45pm
at this time i was bound and determined
i didn't care how long it took me
i was getting myself off damnit!

finally i focused on someone i've never fucked and never even thought of fucking and for some reason the newness of it all sent me over and at approximately 9:55pm last night i FINALLY had an orgasm.

as soon as it finished i said "finally!!!"
and picked up my phone and called work

"hey it's me, i'm gonna be a bit late...i was having some car problems"

i put my pants on and was out the door at 10pm and on my way